Start at the End

Tonight is the first night of Ganirelix,  on Day 8 of stims, in the 8th year off of birth control, in the third year of IVF, in the 7th IVF cycle (two of those FETs).  As you can see, we have been through this a few times.

What sets this cycle apart is that it is the last cycle.  Really.  And going into it knowing that is weird.  It simultaneously adds incredible pressure that this go well. And it is kind of, somedays, a relief to know we'll finally be getting off this fucked up ferris wheel.

And what had become rote is suddenly overcharged with emotion.  I actually cried in my RE's office for the first time.I did pretty well over the last few years trying to stay sane.  I didn't track my hormone levels, or my specific response to meds, or do EPTs (much).  But I feel this final cycle allows me to be as crazy as I want to be.  And man, do I feel crazy.