Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Thanks, I'm Glad to Be Here

Thanks, all of you, for your welcome.  It's nice to know you all are out there.

It's funny, I didn't really realize it had been 7 IVFs until I started writing this stuff down.  That's not a number I ever thought we would get to.  In fact in one of my first conversations with a veteran IVFer I remember being slightly taken aback that she had tried 6 times before adopting.  It hadn't even occurred to me it could NOT work.

So here is a brief synopsis:

We started out at GWU.  We loved our doctor, not so much the staff we interacted with.  

2005
IVF#1 was here - 8 eggs retrieved, 7 fertilized, 2 transferred (see story below).  BFN.

FET#1 was at GWU also, 2 frozen embryos transferred.  BFN.

We were pretty crushed, and angry over the first transfer. We took almost a year off.  We then moved (with our remaining frozen embryos) to Shady Grove.  We decided to try transferring the last of our frozen embryos, so that was...

2006
FET#2, last 3 frozen embryos transferred.  BFN.

We then spent a couple of months getting qualified for shared risk.  I had one high FSH at that point so I was happy to qualify.  Especially since our insurance covers nothing.

2007
IVF#2 was our first whole cycle with Shady Grove.  I think we only had 4 embryos, only 2 of which looked decent so they transferred both,  BFP!  Miscarriage and D&C at 13 weeks.

We bought into the idea that because of the pregnancy/miscarriage we would surely get pregnant again quickly.  SO we did 2 more cycles in succession...

IVF#3 BFN

IVF#4 BFN

And that brings us up to date.  Looking back, I know the miscarriage (being so close!) in a strange way kept us going.  I mean SGRF got us pregnant with the first IVF.  So now we had trust in them and we knew I could get pregnant.

After the last 2 cycles we kind of realized it may not happen again.  My husband  had had enough.  He is ready to adopt.  Intellectually I agreed but it absolutely destroyed me.  I was crying in my sleep and just so sad.  We agreed to try one last time.

I took 4 months preparing.  I had a laparoscopy for endometriosis, started working out, cut out artificial sweeteners and caffeine, having acupuncture, started eating mostly organic and taking supplements.  I didn't want to look back and think "Man!  If I had taken wheat grass juice maybe that would have made the difference.  Maybe I screwed up our opportunity to have a child."

Hearing the embryos looked so good I think helps.  Obviously it is encouraging, but also if these little guys don't take then I think I could say "It really wasn't meant to happen."  God, I don't want to say that.

2 comments:

Paranoid said...

Wow, you've been through a lot! I hope that this time is "it."

No baby mama said...

WOW, you are an amazing woman who has endured so much. I'm not sure I could do that many cycles, but sometimes determination is much stronger than we can imagine. I wish you much luck with your current cycle and hope that your baby finds you.